I would like to introduce you to someone.  Someone very personal to me, who knows everything about me, and is always ready to give an opinion …that will bring me down.

I’d like you to meet PNC, my Personal Negativity Coach.  PNC is the voice that exists in the back of my head that is always willing to negate my actions, goals and feelings.  PNC takes personal pleasure out of being judgmental, divisive and generally complaining.  PNC is bolstered to greater success when something truly negative does happen - a bad experience at work, negative feedback from a friend, or a car blowing up just as one gets onto the Beltway through Madison. 

In fact, PNC is resilient and ever-ready.  PNC takes paranoia to a new level by getting involved in my daily observation of the world and trying to classify everything - usually to my detriment.  That person talking quietly near you?  Obviously, they are talking about you.  That email you got with the ambigiously professional language?  That means the writer is upset with you and distancing themselves.  Truly, there is no end to the possibilities for PNC in Negativeland (which is also the name of an interesting band.)

Don’t paint me a freak.  I don’t follow PNC’s advice all the time, or even give him much of my attention.  It’s in those moments when I’m feeling low that I can hear the voice a little more clearly.  I’m actually a generally positive person. Many times, my hopeful and energetic nature impedes me from acknowledging the real difficulty of getting around obstacles until later.  Which is why it is always good that I sit with an idea or goal for a while before running ahead on it (as evidence, please take note of the tote of fabric I own, yet I still do not know how to sew and therefore have not completed any of the projects I was so excited to start).  I am generally open to new experiences and don’t let fears stop me from doing things I want to do…or at least initially trying them.

It’s just that when you are having major changes in your life, PNC feels he has a duty to raise his voice and question everything you think, do, say or feel. 

And PNC is not always wrong - which is why it is hard to just discredit him.  For example, I recently came to terms with the fact that I should work more on listening to people.  PNC has been telling me this in ways for years.  But now, I am realizing that what I thought was “listening” was really more like hearing.  That I may listen, but I am not a “good listener.”

And that means listening to PNC too.  Listening to what PNC has to say and connecting that with what feats I harbor about myself, my world, and my choices.  Hearing the inner voice, but not letting it rule me.  In fact, using it to undermine PNC by really making an effort to keep negativity from invading my life.

I know I’m not the only one that has ties with PNC.  PNC is known by others often as their “Inner Critic” and sometimes as “The Mind” if you read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (yes, he does sort of remind me of a deranged elf.  Next question.)

Negativity exists, but dwelling on it can be damaging to yourself.  It’s been shown that negativity is easily absorbed and changes how your brain works.  Happy people are better able to think logically, as cited by Creating Passionate Users’ blog article on “Angry/Negative People Can Be Bad For Your Brain.”  Specifically interesting in this article is the reference to Mirror Neurons.  Mirror Neurons reveal so much potential for the individual that it would be crazy, nay, ludicrous to waste that potential with negativity.

And as proof that negativity affects your brain, and therefore your feelings and decisions, the AP reports that negative political ads actually work.  It causes a lot of philosophical ideas, including free will, into question. Personally, when I see negative ads, it makes me dislike the person putting them on the t.v. more.  Perhaps that classifies me as an independent.

No comments

I got a ton taken care of this weekend - many things done, bedroom final coat of paint on, artwork framed that I’ve owned for over 6 years, artwork frames that Jason’s owned for a long time too.  Awning fixed, walk taken through the park, breakfast eaten on the balcony, dishes done, aerator replaced in bathroom, visit to the BGB and discussion had there, friends renewed, games purchased and played, sickness overcome, magnetic paint obtained, magnets obtained, light switch fixed.  Good time had in general.

So, at 6pm I sat down to do some work, and I’m finding that the Network is down - or I just can’t connect to the Law Department’s files.  This is what I get for putting it off till Sunday night, but really, who wouldn’t have? 

And today is so sunny, beautiful.  The grill is popping and a chicken is being made for dinner with some homemade pilaf and roasted veggies.  I will try again later tonight, but really - what can I do?  I can work on my impromtu poems.

This is Just To Say

I did not work
from home
this weekend
as I promised 

network’s down
6pm on a sunny
Sunday
evening

Forgive me
the park beckoned
and I was
so happy.

No comments

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

There was a bit on This American Life about this poem, and how many offshoots it has inspired.  There are many takes on what this poem really is saying, but most agree that he is not truly apologizing, but instead saying, “I couldn’t help myself, I am not sorry, but I hope you won’t be mad.”  Or does he even care if she is mad?  And is he feigning the uncertainty about her breakfast?

It made me think that there are many things that fall into this category.  It’s like the old joke, “I’m just sayin’”.  The situation where you say, “You’re fat,” to someone and they get upset, and somehow, responding with, “I’m just sayin’” somehow indicates that it just had to be said, and it really isn’t your fault.  Like that statement makes everything cool now.

So, I might, here and there, as inspired by This American Life, occasionally post a This Is Just to Say poem about something I am going to do, or did, that I’m not really sorry about, but I really would like people to not be upset.  They may be real, or they may be figments of my imagination.  Whatever inspires me.

 And they might not even happen…so in that eventuality, I’ll start with one right now.

This is Just to Say

I have not posted
poems mimicing
his style and arrogance

Which I stated
I would post
in earnest.

Forgive me,
But this is my blog
and I change my mind
often.

1 comment

I’m having a dilemma - one I thought I’d never face. 

I want a hybrid vehicle.  It’s part of who I want to be and how I want to express myself as an environmentalist.  Soon, my vehicle will not be staying together terribly well, and it is an opportunity to trade in for a better, greener vehicle.

But I can’t decide.  A year ago, there wouldn’t have been a question: I wanted a Toyota Prius.  Hands down.  It’s a roomy mid-sized car that’s been around for 10 years and everyone I’ve spoken to LOVES theirs.  I mean, how could you not love it?  Just take a look at it!

Today, I am not as sure that a Prius will serve my needs.  Today, given the things I want to do (camp, go on road trips cross country, cart around a couple kids someday, do bellydance gigs) it seems like a Ford Escape Hybrid is what I would want.  It’s got more space for supplies and the junk I’ll need to cart around on these trips.

   

This makes me feel badly, however.  I feel like I should not be giving into the idea of “bigger is better”.  And I’d only really need the Escape on trips for camping, dance seminars, events with a number of people involved - I wouldn’t need it to get to work, or go to the grocery.  In fact, I probably don’t even need a vehicle at all for local stuff - I could walk or ride a bus.  But for the larger, longer, involving more stuff trips (specifically the camping), the Prius probably wouldn’t cut it for carrying the stuff I would need.

Furthermore, aren’t SUVs a part of the problem?  Isn’t the idea of a hybrid SUV like a low-fat brownie? The brownie isn’t good for you, but at least it isn’t as bad for you as it once was.  I don’t want to be a part of the problem, a neon-green environmentalist.  I want to make a difference with my choices.

There’s the other hand that says - by buying the Escape Hybrid, I am telling Ford that green is good, and they will pump more dollars into green technology, right?  Or am I saying - Hey, I don’t really want to compromise, so keep giving me these half-hearted attempts to make me feel better about my choices, but not really make any dramatic change?

Don’t get me wrong - moving in a green direction is better for everyone, all around.  All of the vehicles should be getting this sort of mileage, if not better.  We should have electric options, fuel-cell options - whatever will make a difference.

But I don’t want to be one of those people who buys a hybrid SUV and feels I’ve done enough to better the earth. 

But I also can’t be someone who lives entirely off a bicycle and mass transit (at least the crappy version that Milwaukee offers) - I will need a car of some sort that can carry stuff.

There has to be a way to balance this situation - can I only use the Escape for those long trips, and have no other car? Can I sacrifice in other ways in my life to ensure I’m living as green as possible?  Needless to say, I have a lot of green hope, but not a whole lot of green action.

And one of the best ways to be actively green is to not purchase more than you need.

There are probably some ways to get around this, but I’m not sure what they are yet.  If you have any ideas or suggestions for how to deal with occasional SUV-sized travel needs, but otherwise live in a small to mid-sized car world, let me know.  

No comments

It isn’t often that I run into two artists in such a short time.  I ran into Kurt Halsey because I was looking into Amy Rice.  They both do work at the Art Star Gallery, and thus I ran into Kurt’s work.  At first, I was sort of ignoring his work because the cartoonish characters seemed so - well, Precious Moments.  But then I clicked on a couple of them and realized I was SO very wrong.  Kurt hails from Racine, Wisconsin and went to MIAD here, which means I’m pretty stoked to have come across him.

The figures in Kurt’s work have natural positions, many of which are very intimate and real - putting you into the emotion.  There’s an emptiness that leaves you to fill in the feeling.  Many of the pieces are collage pieces like the first one below, and the choice of media fits the pieces of thought included. 

    

Some of them are poignant moments of love and closeness.  Others are powerfully painful (see the next one below).  Others seem to catch a meaningful moment - and not a moment associated with love.  Some even have a wry humor that isn’t easily captured in stasis.  Whatever they are, they are poetry and art.

No comments

To he who has brought so much sunshine into my life. 

Happy Birthday!

Love,

BC

1 comment

I ran into the art of Amy Rice at Paper Boat Boutique in Bay View the other weekend.  Something about her work really makes an impact on me.  The stencil style of the figures over the unique backgrounds (reclaimed wood, pages of old books, leaves of musical notation) combined with the symbolism of the pieces made this the first unknown art I’ve run into in a long time that I actually desire to put on my wall.  And not just a print, but an actual piece.  It feels as if there is a thread of innocence that resonates in me when I look at the images.  I think of youth and freshness.

 Two samples below.  The first was the piece I was considering purchasing - but it was not for sale.  It also wouldn’t have been in my budget right now either.

No comments

I’ve been working nonstop for several weeks now - every night taking work home, working on weekends, etc.  So, yesterday IGB and I decided we were going to go antiquing - for nothing in particular.  We had several places on the list to go.

Oh.my.god.  We only got through ONE floor of the Fox Skylight Gallery in 4 hours.  We had to go back Sunday for the Third floor and basement.  We found several very interesting books, a great many frames for our Family wall (when it is closer to done, I will post pics), and …hats. 

I didn’t know I was a collector.  I really didn’t.  I thought I was interested, and I had a few pieces, and I knew I had taste in quality.  But now I own four more hats than I did Friday.   Here are examples of two I picked up:

They were all of great prices and fit pretty well (apparently, I do well with most 22s).  There were many more I really wanted, but managed to control myself…at least a little.   I own these two, along with a magenta and a brown one.  Really, quite reasonable, if I do say so myself.

It shouldn’t have been such a surprise for me that I have something of an addiction collection. The night before, I was caught wearing this 30’s-style hat at a performance (and it stayed on!) 

 

No comments

In visiting Demode today, I ran across a link that took me to another link, and as the journey usually goes, some wild jaunt into another area.  Well, I ended up finding some top notch Victorian costuming sites that I’d not found before.  I thought I’d share because - well - I’m just friendly like that.

First is Vintage Victorian, where I found the reference library.  There, they have images of dresses from various eras, complete with description of what makes them up.  THAT is huge to someone like me who is always looking to create costuming usually from pictures I find.  For example, this Victorian evening dress to the right is described as follows:

Evening Dress.

Figure 1: Evening dress of white and pink; the underskirt is of white satin, kilted in front, and trimmed with Mechlin lace, and a garland of pink roses. The overdress is of pink silk, is made like a polonaise, low neck and short sleeves, and is trimmed to correspond with underskirt with lace and flowers. Low corsage and short sleeves, with bertha of lace and flowers. Flowers on dress to match those on hair.
 

March 1880, Godey’s Lady’s Book.

Invaluable resource for those with costuming interests.  Additionally, the many pictures are good for MacGuyvers like myself who put together costumes in a haphazard and extemporaneous fashion.

---

Next, for those who sew (or want to sew, such as myself) I found an interesting site from Wisconsin - State Historical Society’s Patterns of History.  With actual outfits as their base, they created patterns for those who are crafty to create high quality results.  Image from their site - from the page on the History of the 1874 Bustled Dinner Gown.Don’t you just love the intricacy of the detail of those costumes?  Even the hairstyle is easy to see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

 Next is Truly Victorian, which also sells patterns.  However, the handy part of this site is that the majority of the patterns have a sample finished piece to show you the results of the costuming.  Now, this isn’t completely uncommon, but the fabrics used and the decoration added are sometimes questionnable, or give a really modern look to dress that would normally be much different looking.  For example, this tea gown.  And some of the results are shown ON people, which is always nice too.

 

---

The last three are put together for a couple of reasons.  First is Your Wardrobe Unlocked, the costume maker’s companion.  I can’t tell you a whole lot about this site because, well, you have to pay to be a member and really read what is on it.  It describes itself as an online magazine for anyone who is passionate about making outstanding historical costuming.  It says it has images, information, classes, tips and more.  However, the cost is $10 per month.  It sounds simply awesome, however, and I am contemplating getting into it right after I learn how to sew in a straight line with a machine.

 

The second is Trystan’s Closet.  I have to give her a shout out because I simply adore this Robe a la Francaise.  It is simply a beautiful creation, and her description of how she made the shoes to go with it was extremely informative.  I love the photos too.  I personally think this is the best costume on the site, and the one that appears the most accurately portrayed, from the costume itself to the presentation.

 

Finally, I am interested - and thought you might be too - in checking out this FrockFlicks podcast, which Trystan appears to be a part of.

No comments