I think this may, in fact, be true.

Take off your cynicsm hat, and put on your open-mind cap.  And dispose of any “psychological clap-trap” judgment meters.  This may push the boundaries of self-help, but give it a chance.

I was contemplating upon many things that have happened in my life, including my recent impending divorce.  PNC (Personal Negativity Coach) stepped in and said, ”Guess Love doesn’t really conquer all.”

And I felt down.  I felt like somehow I’d failed to do…whatever it was I was supposed to do to save my failed marriage.  That if I’d really “loved” this person, that it should have worked.  I felt as if I’d neglected to follow the blueprint for a successful marriage, and that I didn’t love “enough”.

Or - the converse - that love is really just sort of a nice thing to have in a relationship, but it isn’t necessary or dependable.  That “head-over-heels” will ultimately become “bending-over-backwards” and “laughing-all-the-way-to-the-bank”.  Furthermore, that love is only one aspect of many aspects of marriage that needs to be sound.

While I don’t disagree with the latter statement that love cannot be all you have in a relationship, it still doesn’t fit that whole idea that Love Conquers All.  So - there I was, feeling low for a moment in thinking that either A) I was a failure at Love or B) Love is not as powerful as it seems.

Option B is surprising to me.  I am moved to do so many things through Love, moved further than any other feeling moves me.  I sacrifice more, I give more, I am more vulnerable to fulfill the mandates of Love.  I would have once said that Love moves me to make poor choices, as well.  So, not only was I possibly a failure at Love, but it might be less worthwhile to pursue.  How depressing is that?

But something inside me disagreed.  I recognized a voice that was distinctly NOT PNC.

No.

It isn’t the lack of Love, or that Love is less powerful than believed to be.  It is the shifting of Love.  The balance of it.  Love does not push me towards poor choices.  Instead, I love the poor choice more than I love choosing something better.  I loved a man more than I loved myself, more than a healthy relationship.

It was only because I began to love myself again that I chose to leave. It seems odd, because in those dark moments you seem so very far from loving yourself.  In those stark times of making the final decision to leave, you wonder how you could love yourself, how the shattered pieces of what you had represent how UNlove-able you are. 

But in reality, you are making that decision to choose a better you.  To allow yourself to be loved - by you, by someone else.  To choose something healthy over something unhealthy, no matter how much it may seem to hurt you at this time.  Because you Love, you choose wisely.

This brings me to realize that many of those old axioms about fools and blindness in Love are missing something.  There are hundreds of sayings: I am two fools I know, for loving, and for saying so - Love is blind - To be wise and love is scarcely granted to the angels above.  And sure, many people who are experiencing the first light of Love seem to be heart-sick, unable to see someone’s faults, wearing rose-colored glasses and all the other trite phrases. 

Maybe Love really doesn’t grow until that “glowing” phase goes away.  Until you interweave yourself with this other person.  Or in the case of self, until you sit inside your own being and really feel.  Building a Love for yourself enables you to open up and truly Love others, beyond dependency, beyond allaying loneliness.

When you really Love, you see the person for who they are.  And you see yourself for who you are.  You make choices wisely for the good of both of you.    The sacrifices you make take into account the balance of Loving someone and Loving yourself.  Love helps you to see how you can be happy for yourself and with another.  And Love helps you see when it is time to move on.

That is the powerful nature of Love. 

Amor Vincit Omnia.  Love conquers all.