So, I’ve been quiet for a few days.  Learning lessons.  Not new lessons, but old, powerful lessons.

I was in a mind-altering car accident this weekend.  As in, should-have-died level of accident.  At a standstill in traffic, a car plowed into us from behind going 50-60mph, pushing us into another car.  I do not remember the airbags deploying, but when my eyes opened, there they were, flattened sacks.  The above is the remains of the car.

We all walked away basically together - no limbs broken or gone, and major body functions still in tact.  We are in the process of dealing with the medical fallout of all of this.

Geeks - I feel as if I have a better understanding of what one might experience in one’s first time ever plane-shifting.  Or if someone forcibly tried to pull me through a wormhole in space.  I think that might feel like this car accident - where all the molecules around me are suddenly squished together.  There’s this moment of intensity, a moment of compaction where sound is so dense that it no longer is sound - it is more akin to silence.

So, that’s what happened on my way to the Madison Farmer’s Market.  Right now, my life feels achingly misaligned, like the bones in my back.  It is as if every cell in my body knows that something has changed, but no one can see that from the outside. 

This situation has imposed, rather perilously, several life lessons upon me that I thought I’d share that, while pertinent to the car wreck, are also pertinent to life.

• Impatience is unnecessary.  No one needs to anywhere that fast to sacrifice the well-being of oneself and others.  That goes for work and personal life - pushing something to the limit of its speed will result in poor results.  And you won’t have enjoyed the ride.  And the path taken often makes a difference in how successful the achievement is. 
• The body is amazing.  Not only did it do all the necessary processes to ensure that I would be at my most flexible, but it also conveniently blocked out the few seconds of my head hitting the airbag and seat that I really didn’t need to know.  Thank you selective memory during traumatic events.  If my brain can forget the traumatic seconds of a car accident, then I can teach my brain to forgive and forget other things that hold me back.
• Your life can change in the blink of an eye, and without your permission.  And being flexible, able to go with the flow will always be helpful.  This is a great analogy for dealing with change.  In an accident, if you see it coming, you tense up and the damage is always worse.  In life, this can be compared to stubbornly holding onto the past as long as you can before letting go.  There’s an art to recognizing inevitable change and following it when it comes instead of making it drag you through hell.
• Did I mention change happens without your permission?  It gives new insight to me, who is someone who strives to always be in control.  If I can never be truly in control, then perhaps I am wasting energy in that direction that could be more appopriately focused in achieving my goals.
• In the same vein as not being able to control what happens outside of me, there’s a degree of chaos in trying to control what is inside you.  It is a delicate balance between nature and nurture, and be careful what label you assign to each feeling.  I don’t WANT to feel anxious right now, but the chemical imbalance as a result of the accident doesn’t give me that option. 
• Your perception can completely change without anything visible occurring.  I went back to my job and back to my life, and nothing changed externally.  But I feel completely changed internally -for good or for ill.  I think this is something that many people experience when going through a difficult time.  The rest of the world may not fit the new you, and the person you thought you knew might not be there anymore.  And it only takes a split second.  Take the time to find out what has changed, and where your heart lies. 
• The things you come back to in a traumatic event are the things that you need to keep paying attention to.  Those are the things/people/beliefs that really matter in your life.
• Sometimes you need to forego asking “Why did this happen?” and move straight to, “What do I do now?”  Too much time spent with the former question causes fewer options to be available when you reach the second question.  The Why is historical and nice to have, but what matters more is who you are and what you want NOW.

And what I want right now is sleep.  Good night all.