I think part of keeping your promises involves a sense of living up to expectations, and I’m more sensitive to living up to those I present to others than I am to myself.

But who sets these expectations up?  Me.

In reality, living up to expectations is a loaded idea that keeps us beating ourselves up.  We set them up for ourselves and for others, and often believe that others have them for us as well.  But really, people only expect from you what you tell them you’re going to give them.  So, in reality, you are the architect of your schedule, your expectations, and in many cases, your stress.

Because we expect too much of ourselves in measuring up against others. I missed a day at the gym, which spells the downfall of my whole regimen.  I put whipped cream on the latte, which we mentally abuse ourselves for the extra calories.  I didn’t mingle enough at the party.  I only practiced twice this week instead of every day.

We are building too high a level of expectation into the promises we made ourselves.  That’s because we want our goals now, and our lives are built around being ashamed that we are “other than” the ideal person we dream of at any particular moment.  Instead of thinking of ourselves as constantly growing and changing, we tend to think of ourselves as terminally deficient.  We are always thinking of a later date when our goals will be realized.

But the trick is this: that just making headway a little bit every day on each of those goals, even just mentally, is working on achieving that goal.  Each day, each action is a success. We need to reevaluate those “expectations” and rather than comparing ourselves to others, compare where we are today with where we were yesterday.  And we need to accept it, and continue to act.

Life occurs in the process, not at the goal.

That means, when the moment comes and I think: “Should I go to the gym?” the answer should involve getting changed and heading out.  The answer should involve action. 

Someday, I hope the question won’t even come up.  I want to get up and go to the gym as part of who I am, not as part of some short-term goal I’m holding myself up to.  I want to be the type of person who keeps the promises I make to myself.

And those promises are tiny, little steps.  Each one is a promise.  Not the far distant future that says, “If, then…” but the small decision I make today, in the moment, to do the thing that is best for who I think I am. 

Each decision I make now is a step, and that is all the control I need.