I’ve come to a conclusion that is really quite freeing. I’m either going to be bored, or I’ll be tired.

It really is that simple.

Of course, people will say, “No, you have the choice to not be an overachiever. You have the choice to be content.” I suppose that might be true if we could change our brain wiring and tendencies. Perhaps the reader will suggest meditation, or perhaps yoga or therapy. But I don’t think any of those things changes who you are, but perhaps allow you to better channel and manage your inclinations. Putting ourselves into a different “state of mind” does not necessarily change our natural inclinations. State of mind is a learned behavior. I’m not convinced that character is as learned as we believe.

And even if it was, in a world where bigger is better, faster is achievable, and one is constantly scrutinized and judged for not only the level of your success, but the level at which you are at ease with your success. In other words, you must be cool, but not overly aware of your coolness. This is the culture I’ve been raised in, and while I might strive for community and zen, I feel constantly compelled to try new things, layer on new hobbies, and not “waste” any skill or ability that I’ve got.

It’s a horrible nightmare of mine to find that I look back on my life and feel as if I’ve wasted my talents. Echoes of teachers, parents, and old classmates all say, “She could have done anything…”, “What a waste…”

Yes - it is my own little psychodrama, but I would venture to say that more people have this fear than admit it. Perhaps not as graphically and guilt-ridden as I do (I was raised by recovering Catholics afterall. Guilty is a primary weapon) but still - they want to feel as if they have full, vibrant lives filled with art, interests, hobbies, and uniqueness.

On top of that, it all has to be managed well, and you must be passingly good at all of them. It must look - yes I’m going to say it - effortless.

It isn’t all nurture, either. I am naturally interested in hundreds, nay…millions of things! In our bold new frontier of the internet, we are receiving more information than ever before, and I adore it. I want to know everything, I want to dedicate my life to learning and filling my brain with useless facts. I enjoy knowing how not only how to make cheese, but also knowing how to choreograph a dance, or write a prospectus. I would love to make my own mead and wine, as well as fix my own car and organize the community efforts for a greener future.

Even the analyzing of why I feel this need to pile on more hobbies and activities is of interest to me. Constantly second-guessing, contemplating, or analyzing. Whether it is because I’m a Capricorn (mystical reasons) or I’m GenX (generational reasons), or just an American female (cultural reasons), I want to constantly be involved in something. I want to be a member of a Tribe, or four, that shares my interests, that I can contribute to, and that I can learn from.

I’m amazed, too, by the ability to incorporate recreation into my life. Once upon a time, recreation was not possible. So as much as I complain that my daily job takes away from my time to do these things I love, in reality, I am the recipient of the sacrifices of so many ancestors who worked so hard to make recreation possible for the average American. Remember, there are still many cultures that do not experience this.

But I am SO tired. The constant calendar-juggling, driving around, keeping up connections and networks (that includes twitter, facebook, myspace, email, text messages, phone calls, linkedin, and any other possible way to be connected), putting media out there, spending the money, making to-do lists, and meetings make daily life pretty amazingly busy. Each hobby has its own accoutrements, requirements and boundaries. These all have to be fit in and navigated. Seamlessly.

Yet, I chose this. Because, I was feeling like there was an area of my life that was not completed, and some evenings I would think - gosh, I’ve got nothing to do. I am bored. (Reality-check: I could have practiced dance, or gone out with friends, or cleaned house, or what-have-you) And I’m a sucker for experiences: I will usually choose to jump in headfirst and help someone or get involved in a group or purpose before adequately reviewing my time.

The reality is, I will make time for the things that I deem important. Creation of anything - whether art, relationships, food, music, or documents - involves a sense of Flow, and when you are in it, time becomes less important. If you are truly immersed in the moment, the striving itself becomes a sort of zen. The challenge that engages our brain to reach new levels, like the chemicals released in our bodies when pushing ourselves during a workout.

Naturally, after such a thing, I am Tired.

But it’s better than being Bored.