So, a thought popped into my head today after thinking about the various cultures of the world.

It seems that, in some form, most cultures have history of female subjugation.  The Indians, Chinese, Japanese, English, Italians, Jewish, French, Africans (insert numerous groups here), and many others have all had periods of time where women were considered the lesser gender, barred from numerous rights, and rigidly pushed into traditional roles. 

I have a few questions about this.

1. Is female subjugation a necessary part of our evolution?  Is it something that we are to move beyond and therefore there will be a time where gender equality is a reality?  (if you think it is a reality now, I’d really be interested in your theory behind that.)
2. Is female subjugation part of human nature?  Is it part of “How It Is” and it will be an eternal struggle?
3. Do we believe that female subjugation existed in any of these cultures before the influx of religious belief?  It occurred to me that many of the religious texts specifically are quoted when referring to the “duties” of women in comparison to men.  Is there existence of subjugation before religion?
   1. If pre-religious proof exists, can it be tied to a purpose?
   2. If pre-religious proof does not exist, is there a reason why religion felt it was important to subjugate women?  Because it doesn’t make much sense - if religious leaders/prophets/whathaveyou really thought ahead, they would have created something that was welcoming for men AND women.  Because here you are with more than half of the world being women, and few (if any) major religions being kind towards them.  In my opinion, if you want a major reason why religion probably is losing its hold and more people are turning a-religious, it could be because a major population of the world is hugely disenfranchised by religion.
      1. On that note, wouldn’t an all-knowing god/deity have known that the population would teeter towards more women, and therefore have planned ahead in its holy texts to create buy-in for that population? Or…is that a major component of armageddon?  Perhaps the Deity DOES see ahead and feels that a world with a majority of women (many of whom have growing power and influence) needs to be destroyed?  Does that Deity feel that many women = hell? (I know several men that feel this way, so it would be pretty strong proof that God is a man…although I also know a few women that feel this way too.)
   3. What purpose does Female subjugation serve in Religion?
4. What purpose does Female Subjugation serve in our world? 
5. (gets ready for flaming) Did women ask for female subjugation or…even more difficult to imagine…did they create it, or help create it?

Seriously - were women looked at by men who realized, “Holy crap…she creates life.  Perhaps I need to find a way to harness that power!” and thus the subjugation begins?  Is it born of fear?  Is it born of necessity?  Is it born of desire?  Did women decide that the best way to get along would be to create a culture where women had a place?  Did women have anything to do with it?  If you read The HandMaid’s Tale, you realize that the world of subjugated women is really dreamed up by a woman, but put into action by a man.

Some of these may seem obvious, but I’m not willing to discount any theory.  Things are so muddled in this area that I am often wondering how men could have pulled it off by themselves…I often find that to have true, heart-striking cruelty, you need a woman’s touch.  But perhaps it only took subjugating one woman to the point where she believed in it enough to add those nicely subtle details that really tear down progress. 

Your thoughts are welcome, invited, and will be considered. 

The other day, I was listening to a podcast from Logically Critical called Why Atheism? (as a quick aside, I laughed my butt off at the Ode to a Superhero episode.)

Overall, the episode is very good - basically explaining to people what atheism really is - a lack of belief in a higher being.  Atheists are often forgotten in the “Freedom of religion” debate, and I’d never considered that Atheists are often unwilling to share their beliefs (or lack thereof) for fear of being discriminated against at workplaces, social events, etc. 

One point at the end really struck me powerfully, which is the purpose of this post.  The host indicated that, as an Atheist himself, he was constantly worried about the intentions of those that are extremely religious, and their goals in this world.  Since, in many Judeo-Christian beliefs which are predominantly in power in the West, this world is treated to be mainly as a den of sin and just a layover till we get on that next plane to the afterlife,  why would any of them care what happens to it? 

I think I have happened upon this thought before, but I never let it sink in as deeply as I did after listening to the podcast.  It was shockingly frightening - and I understood what the host was talking about.

Genesis 1:28 clearly indicates to Adam, the progenitor of all mankind, that the world is his to do with as he wishes.  Quoting from Bibletools.com:

 1:28  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

 Now, environmentalists have been pointing to this passage as a source of our huge distance from the natural world, and our centuries of tearing it apart for our current societal goals.  And that is, in itself, disturbing.

But what about the social impact as well?  If we are to believe Religioustolerance.org’s chart, over 2 billion worldwide are Christian, and 14.5 million are Jewish.  That means that a major portion of the world reads the Bible/Pentateuch - where this verse exists.

Bibletools wants to clarify to environmentalists that this has been misread for a long time:

Genesis 2 contains a parallel account of creation, adding detail to certain parts of the narrative of the first chapter. Notice God’s expanded instruction: “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend [dress, KJV] and keep it” (verse 15). This greatly modifies the force of “have dominion” and “subdue it” from Genesis 1:26, 28!

Tend (Hebrew ‘abad) means “to work or serve,” and thus referring to the ground or a garden, it can be defined as “to till or cultivate.” It possesses the nuance seen in the KJV’s choice in its translation: “dress,” implying adornment, embellishment, and improvement.

Keep (Hebrew shamar) means “to exercise great care over.” In the context of Genesis 2:15, it expresses God’s wish that mankind, in the person of Adam, “take care of,” “guard,” or “watch over” the garden. A caretaker maintains and protects his charge so that he can return it to its owner in as good or better condition than when he received it.

 It made me feel better about those that actually know this, but how many do not know this?  How many read the Bible and take it at its current interpretation and don’t have the explanation behind it? (see Edit below)

In essence, how many read that passage in the Bible and feel no compunction about what happens to the Earth or the people in it because this world doesn’t matter - only heaven matters?

It makes me view our president differently as well.  Part of what really annoyed me about him is his arrogance - the audacity he had to stand up in the face of the people of the world and say, “We’re going to support oil because it is more sustainable and environmentally friendly than coal.” (or really, whatever crazy thing he’s saying lately…like nuclear energy being renewable and has no emissions.  A claim could be made that our education system might be making more of a difference on the environment than our fuel system, but I digress.)  Needless to say, I thought to myself, “How does he have the balls to stand up there and say he’s doing things to benefit our environment, and then do whatever lines his pockets with money?”  How can he say the Iraq War is about freeing people, when it really is about cheap oil so he and his cronies can make more money?

But now, my eyes are wide.  President Bush is a man of faith.  Perhaps this really IS a religous war. Perhaps he is acting in accordance with his beliefs to fight an “opposing” religion, without regard the world at hand because this world does not matter - only the afterlife matters.  Eerie.  Saving those oil fields from heathens to heat the homes of Christians worldwide, and if it destroys the earth - who cares? 

Dominion over the Earth and Subdue it.

There are those out there that believe he is actually a member of Christians that is apocalyptic in belief, and that his actions are directly pointed at destruction, in order to bring around the Apocalypse sooner.  Because heaven is all we are waiting for, right?  A video found by a friend - I have not watched it yet. 

I’m not sure how I feel about this - I guess the world-lovin’ part of me wants to believe that people couldn’t be this misguided.  For some reason, it makes me feel better to believe that Bush is ambivalent, or ignorant, towards the environment instead of attacking it purposefully.

On top of all of this, how do environmentalists - or anyone - convince any of these believers that it is IMPORTANT, nay, IMPERATIVE to take action about the negative impact we have on the environment? If the world is just an annoying traffic light between you and your afterlife (which is promised to be a rockin’ good time at the right hand of God and all), why would you ever choose to ride a bike instead of drive?  Or put your money into sustainable living methods?  Or do anything that preserved the world at all?

Have we produced a religion with a deity that creates a world, and then empowers the creature creations of that world to destroy it?  Can global warming survive Judeo-Christian belief?  Have we pressed the self-destruct button on our world through the creation of a faith that values everything after death more than the world of the living? 

 A 2000 year countdown, and we didn’t even know the clock was ticking.  Where’s Bond when you need him?

Edit:

I had a conversation with a devout Catholic man after posting this who indicated that he was, and believes all Catholics are, taught the differences in the Hebrew that lead one to understand that subdue is inaccurate and it really means “stewardship”.  Having been in evangelical studied for 10 years instead of Catholicism, I did not know that.  I only discuss what I was taught - which did not involve any sense of responsibility for the earth.  I would also like to point out that I was not taught to destroy it either. 

(disclaimer: Because I listened to a podcast on Atheism does not necessarily indicate I am Atheist.    Thanks.)

(Disclaimer 2: I understand that some of this post may sound sensational - at the very least, it has some generalizations.  My concern still exists, however, and would love to know what you’ve experienced with regard to religious teachings of such a nature. )

I was reading Brazen Careerist again today - catching up on recent posts (btw  - her 9/11 post really got me emotional.)  Something made me revisit a couple of the first posts I’d ever read on her blog - about her marriage. 

 And one of them focuses on the Myth of the Stay-At-Home-Dad.  It’s something that does concern me a lot.  I am married a year, living together for 4.  I’ve always had more of a “career” than he and supported our lifestyle.  He became a massage therapist a few years ago and is quite fantastic at it.  We are very lucky to have found something he loves and is talented at.

But it isn’t a steady workflow, and he’s home a lot.  If the economy tanks, fewer people get massage.  To get the steadier work, you have to contract with another health provider or a spa, which takes a cut.  And it never will be very much in the way of income unless he is one of the 1% of massage therapists that manage to make it big somehow. 

I’m ok with this.  Yes - it would be nice to have more income at times.  But it also gives me a great feeling to be supporting his “art” per se.  It gives him so much in the way of happiness, which feeds our happiness.  And we are very happy the majority of the time.  So I pay most of the bills, and he provides what he can.  I don’t judge his massage as less worthy.  If anything - he changes the world way more than I do, and that I can help him in that process makes me feel like I am part of it.

But as part of having a job that is not as active, I feel that on the days he has off, he needs to take care of the house.  That it is part of his “job”, since two days of the week are usually completely empty of appointments.  And not passively - but really take care of it.  We rent, so we don’t have a yard or such to deal with. It’s cleanliness - dishes, laundry, vacuuming, taking out garbage - house cleaning.

That doesn’t mean I don’t do things around the house too.  We have a tacit agreement that I ALWAYS clean the bathtub and the bathroom floor.  I clean on weekends and am responsible for the general organization of stuff.  But there appear to be no tacit agreements about anything for him.  Still, he does the laundry almost all the time, and the dishes probably about 70% of the time. 

He does complain about it though, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.  To me, it just makes sense - you are HOME.  You should take care of the house more (instead of playing video games).  If you do not work as much as the other person, and we have no children yet, take care of the house.  Do what you can to make it look great all the time.  Cook food.  I would feel responsible for these things if I was at home and someone was making sure I had a home and food.  He complains that he always does the laundry, or I don’t do enough of the dishes.  Yet, I am looking around and see that he hasn’t EVER emptied the bathroom garbage (that’s me, folks - the only one who does that) or that his breakfast dishes are still on the table.

Me coming home and complimenting him on everything he’s done has made improvements.  It makes him know I’m aware of what he has done, and how much I appreciate it.  But it hasn’t caused more to be done.

Or at the very least, work on your personal business.  Research marketing options.  Paper the neighborhood with homemade ads.  But I’m the business person - so in the end, I usually end up working on his business as well.  Because I can accomplish the needed research faster and with more desirable results.  It’s what I do for a living.  And I have a business sense and understanding of what that world is like.  Ask me where a piriformis muscle is, and I wouldn’t have a clue.  Ask me how to market your home business, and I can help you.

This is a long introduction for my main question:  What happens when we have kids?  We are considering family, and we’ve talked about our options.  As much as I’d like to stay home with a child and take care of the house, the kid, and work on my dance practice, I am the “bread-winner”.  I have more earnings potential now than he may ever have. 

So, we pretty much have come to the idea that he will stay home with the kids.  But this may put a huge dent in his massage practice.  I’m not sure he is ok with this, or not as much as he thinks he is.  We recently shut down the home-based version of his massage business and he was extremely unhappy about it.  He still gives massage by appointment at your house, but not in our house.  And I think he feels a sense of failure about this, even though it doesn’t change his client-base or income level.  How will he handle the fact that kids may close down even more of his business?  Not all of it, because we have many options, but certainly more than now. 

I’m not sure, and in finding Penelope’s blog again, I’m reminded that this is something he and I need to keep discussing.  And yes, I commented to her blog.  I think it was misinterpreted that I don’t do anything around the house, but the points are the same.  (and to respond to JohnMcG, yes - when I am out of work or even home sick, I feel it is my responsibility to take care of the house more because I am making up for my half of things.  So, I would feel that I agree - and I’ve put the theory to the test personally. )

My final question here is - why does it seem to be a much larger issue with dads than it seems to be with moms?  Or am I not being fair?  Is it a huge issue with moms too?  Why does it sound like dads have a harder time dealing with staying home with the kids?  Am I wrong for expecting that the person who is home more often should put in more effort with the house?  I’d expect it of a woman too.  My roommate and I had a similar understanding for a while as well.  Am I too mercenary?  Do you know of stay-at-home dads that enjoy it or are successful at it?

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

–Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Today, I’m going to write about this quote.

At first, I want to scoff at this.  There is very prevalent belief in our society that genius is something secluded to the few, the elite, the special, sometimes the insane.

Either way, it is not easily made the commodity of the common man - but rather something built into ones genes.  And therefore, we all have a cop out.  I cannot be creative or a genius because my DNA doesn’t allow it.

It would seem that, until recently, our world been punctuated by seeking limits - reasons you and I could not achieve this or that, be something.    Whether it was through our social caste, income, or genetics, we have found ways to explain why we were ordinary instead of extraordinary.

Thus we have the image of the creative genius as half mad-man, half angel.  He is neither achievable, nor accessible, and not even desirable - else you are seeking insanity, or placing yourself above your mortal existance.  Seeking godliness is only allowed through modesty.

But what if we sought godliness as something that is already a part of us?  Potential, just waiting to be released to flourish?  When we say, “Seek the divine in all things,” as part of the Judeo-Christian faith, we recognize that “god” has touched and created all things.  So, are we not a part of godliness?  And therefore, are we not possible of the divine? 

(Forgive me my extrapolations - it has been a long time since I’ve delved into any mythological lore, including one so vehemently defended as Judeo-Christian belief systems.  I do not seek to deconstruct beliefs, but instead look to find the source of inspiration.)

So, I put my scoffing aside and allow myself to believe.  Believe that we all have the potential for greatness.  Believe that all people are created equal and each has the opportunity to blossom in the direction he or she chooses within.   As Steve Pavlina mentions in his post on motivation to achieve, we have roiling deities of creation pounding the walls to get out. 

Why, then…Love certainly IS the answer. 

• Love of yourself, to trust your inner voice.  To allow that divinity to break through, even though it may trash your household and your life as you know it. 

• Love of the work.  It takes a lot of work to be creative, and to do it over and over and over means one must somehow enjoy the work in that it leads to a finished product.

• Love of the art.  There’s a tiny part of you that must die in creation.  Energy is not created or destroyed, it merely changes.  Part of you must go into that art, and to touch that divine part of you may mean you get burned by its flame.  The passion of it consumes you, giving you little option to turn away from it.  Perhaps for a day, a month, a year.  But it is still there inside you, tinkering with the inner workings, finding a path for release.

 And in the mean time, you must fight the limits.  The limits you’ve allowed to be created around your life, the limits you’ve erected like fences.  That you cannot be both a mother and a dancer.  That you cannot be a good partner and an artist.  That you cannot be super intelligent and enjoy football.  That cleaning the house is more important.  That to follow your dreams is irresponsible. 

Greatness is just an extension of the possibilities that reside within you.

43 Folders discusses a new online website called Daily Lit.  Basically, what this does is take great literature and email segments to you, one after another, for you to read.  It’s premise is that so many people are too busy online these days that they don’t get a chance to physically read.  So this service sends you emails with short, readable parts of the book every day.  If you want to read more in a single sitting, you can click a button and the next part is sent to you.

From Daily Lit’s FAQ:

Why read books by email?

Because if you are like us, you spend hours each day reading email but don’t find the time to read books. DailyLit brings books right into your inbox in convenient small messages that take less than 5 minutes to read. This works incredibly well not just on your computer but also on a Treo, Blackberry, Sidekick or whatever the PDA of your choice. In the words of Dr. Seuss: Try it, you might like it! (Oops — it would appear that the actual quote from Green Eggs and Ham is “You do not like them. So you say. Try them! Try them! And you may.”)

I can’t decide if this is a GREAT THING or if this a BAD SIGN.  It’s getting people to read literature they want to read - so what if they don’t get the physical book from the library or buy it from a bookstore?  Isn’t it just a matter of medium - like audiobooks?  Actually, this might fit really neatly into my own life - I never thought I’d have time to read War and Peace, and since I’m online so much of my day, it may now be possible.  I will have access to tons of literature, at the click of a button.  Equality at its best.

But…why isn’t there time to read a book?  Is there something we are losing by disconnecting ourselves from the physical act of holding a book, turning the pages?  Is it only because I’m a bibliophile that I like the feel of a book page, can tell how well a book is made through that and its binding?  Or is there something to be gained by putting one’s life to the side for a moment and picking up a physical book and actually reading it?  What about those rainy days where it is perfect to snuggle into the couch and pick up a book?  Will that be changing to blinking in front of the computer screen? 

How does that change our reading experience?  How does that change our comprehension of written text?  Will it affect our enjoyment of reading?  Will reading become one more item on the “to do” list in order to be a viable member of our technological world?  Will even our pasttimes revolve around being connected to the internet, checking our email? 

Will it become expected that you are connected, 24/7?  Will “reading a book” cease to be a way to relax?

For that matter, I wonder what will be happening to libraries - already underfunded - and the book industry.  What about people who still don’t have regular internet access? 

Is this just the new world and I have to get used to it?  Will I be one of those anachronistic old people who still fills shelves with paper and glue based literature?  Will collecting books have more to do with the medium than the age (say it isn’t so, to my full set of Alexander Dumas from 1880)?

Yes, I know nothing has happened yet, and libraries are still around.  I’m not freaking. But I’m taking a moment to contemplate the inherent benefits we get from physically doing something.  I’m asking the questions that perhaps few are asking. 

http://www.43folders.com/2007/08/01/dailylit/

I read a post today from writer of Employee Evolution, Ryan Healy - he writes once a week for Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist. 

It was explaining how to maintain a blog and a cull time career.

So, it actually made me think about WHY I blog, or why you are seeing more from me than you ever have. 

I’ve been considering blogging for a while.  I tossed around a few subjects, several thoughts, and then did nothing but post my feelings and personal situations.  So, it was “experiential” - meaning I complained in it.  It was in LiveJournal, and I treated it like a journal, not a blog. 

Then I got this new, nifty blog in order to write to myself more.  To post my ideas and thoughts and plans without such a large audience.  To remind myself of things.  To say what I wanted to say and not worry about hurting feelings.

I think I wrote two posts.

Lots of things go on in my life, and frankly, it seemed way too cumbersome to be additionally responsible to some electronic medium.  And why was I doing it?  To be dramatically discovered as an expert on nothing-in-particular?  To be offered a book deal?

So, it really didn’t happen.  And I eschewed blogs for a while trying to get away from my attachment to electronic fascination.  Get back to basics.  Read the things you love.  Make a difference.  These were my mottos.

As I was doing those things, I realized I wanted to share them with people.  Great articles.  Green initiatives and current happenings.  Information I wasn’t sure that people were aware of - or for that matter, had time to seek out.  I know I feel overwhelmed by information these days.  And so often, it seems disconnected from personal experience or thought.  Are there trustworthy sources?  What are the things that you aren’t hearing on the 15 second blurb on your bus ride (don’t get me started on TransitTV.)

I’d been emailing my friends with links to stories that I thought were cool.  I’m sure I annoyed the crud out of them.  And then I’d have to find that email again to forward to someone else.  It became hard to keep track of the stories I was interested in in order to share them with others.

Thus, the blog presented itself again.  And I linked it to my LJ because I am connected with so many other people there who I KNOW feel the way I do. Blogging became the most efficient, economical way to keep in touch with my favorite articles, ideas, and share them with others. 

The things I care about right now are environmental concerns, personal growth and personal finances, growing Milwaukee, and great ideas.  These things give me fire and excitement on a daily basis, and I want to share them with you so you can be invigorated to action as well - whether it is action to eat better, hug your friend, smile more, or protest.

So…that’s what you’ll be seeing here.  Links to stories, my thoughts on them, information I think you might not know yet (or that needs more attention than it is getting) and general interesting stuff.  This way our reach is exponentially growing…

And thus the name is Exponential.  And you’re reading…Exponential Connections.  (Ah…I can almost hear Ted Koppel saying it, can’t you?  ;)  )

Ok, so it is a cheesy line.  But it’s true.

Bees are a part of the chain so intricately that I wonder if people consider just how important they are to how we live - and the rest of the world as well.

This article is about the Colony Collapse Disorder issues (no, they are NOT CAUSED BY CELL PHONES).

 http://www.celsias.com/2007/03/15/bee-colony-collapse-disorder-where-is-it-heading/

Interestingly enough, organic bees are not being affected by the disorder.  One wonders if the recently implemented nicotine-based pesticides might be the culprit afterall.  If it looks like a duck…

http://www.celsias.com/2007/05/15/organic-bees-surviving-colony-collapse-disorder-ccd/

My favorite part, however, is the question that this brings up - again.  That we put so many of our scientific innovations out there before we’ve really contemplated their effect, or tested them.  It is probably why we are so often trying to “clean up the mess” - because we didn’t spend the time in the beginning to do it right.  It isn’t just Pfizer we’re talking about here.

http://www.celsias.com/2007/04/13/colony-collapse-disorder-a-moment-for-reflection/

And finally, another reflective thought about how we are so used to drive thru existence.  Press a button, solution found.  Feel sick?  Take a pill.  We can’t be inconvenienced by the TIME and EFFORT it takes to really look into something and its causes.  Perhaps one answer is not enough.  Perhaps it is more complex than a 6th grade education can tolerate?

http://www.celsias.com/2007/06/01/bee-die-offs-from-multiple-causes/

 Edit: I am liking celsias’ effort to reconnect this issue with how we view the cycles and processes of our world and nature.    http://www.celsias.com/2007/08/25/bee-keepers-wisdom-for-human-flourishing/

And someone else added something for consideration: Perhaps electromagnetic fields still play a part?  High-frequency Active Auroral Research Project http://www.hyperstealth.com/haarp/index.htm 

(Featuring - Celsias, the only place I found somewhat intelligent sounding discussion on the bee situation.   Celsius and Penelope Trunk are quicky becoming contenders for the blogroll.)

 Your thoughts?

I wanted to take this moment to feature a fabulous tool for connecting with your inner self and the universe - the internet!

 Sure, Indra’s Web and the World Wide Web share a lot in common, but I’m finding that the internet plays well with the idea that “ask and you shall receive” aspect of interconnectedness with the universe. 

There’s a theory for tarot reading that I ascribe to - that the answer lies within the asker.  But because we do not listen to ourselves, we need some outside medium to tell us what we already know, as if nothing is true unless confirmed by outside sources (oh, to be a society that believed in itself.) So, the tarot is a TOOL that one uses to extract the answers from within yourself.  It’s like calling your answering machine and finding a message left by you saying, “Yes, you should take that job.”  The answering machine didn’t have the answer - you did. 

The internet can work this way as well.  You find what you need, when you need it, even though the answer is really coming from within you.

Take today.  I’ve recently rebegun working out.  Three days isn’t a full on habit, but only two points are required for a line and three for a trend. 

I think, however, my discipline for this recent return to activity is fueled by my stronger discipline with myself at work and reading up on news.  Not by a huge amount, but definitely more focused than before.  And the discipline that I used to get through my first ever Master Cleanse.  It was a level of discipline that I’d not shown in a long time (aided by some very helpful friends and family.)

Discipline is one of those things that is my nemesis.  I have great capability for discipline….when I am disciplined and interested.  I used to have great fortitude for staying the course.  I accomplished a great many things when younger, up to and including writing a 200 page book (it’s trash), cultivating an artistic streak in art and music, working long hours on projects. 

 Now, I have an “Oh fuck it” sort of attitude a lot of the time if I’m not getting gratification from the process I’m enduring.  There are some things that I realize aren’t for me, or that I’m not ready for yet.  And then…there are a great number of things I dearly love the idea of achieving, but find myself TDL about it (Too Damn Lazy).  That working on such and such thing is not as immediately gratifying as hugging my spouse, or checking my email, or surfing Tribe.net.  My ability to stay disciplined has, perhaps, inversely decreased with the increase of things I want to do or accomplish.

Perhaps, as a result, of realizing that a lot of promises about certain accomplishments weren’t true.  Like, getting a college degree was the only way to have a good job.  Like, getting straight A’s prepares you for college.  Like communicating with your father regularly will cause him to be more a part of your life. 

So, one of the blogs I ready regularly is Penelope’s Brazen Careerist.  Today, she pops up with this blog article about how to lose weight in 2 weeks by changing work habits.

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/08/29/how-to-lose-ten-pounds-in-two-weeks/

Being the woman of the millenium I am, I read it for every morsel of possible hint towards avoiding bingo-wings . 

It brings up the point that discipline in one area may indeed aid one in applying discipline in others.  And you have to like the discipline, I think.  It can’t be, “I can’t spend any money because I’m poor” because that is perceived as suffering, and frankly, one is more likely to be less disciplined in other areas because  of the perceived suffering (well, at least it does for me.)

At the end of the post, Penelope says:

“So I always want more self-discipline in my life.  And I absolutely found that when I became more disciplined about how I deal with my sleep and eating, I became more disciplined about working out. For the last year I have had clear goals for regular episodes of running, weights and yoga. But I have generally failed at achieving these goals on a regular basis. Something always interferes.”

That interfering “something” is ME.  In fact, her whole paragraph describes how I have been for a while.  She also says:

There is great research about how if you add self-discipline to your life in one area, self-discipline seeps into other areas of your life as well. This is important because positive psychologists are always saying that self-discipline is a key factor to making ourselves happier.

Those links directly are:

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2007/05/25/coachology-train-yourself-to-be-happier/

http://www.senia.com/2007/02/01/create-new-habits-self-regulation/

And in this way, the great circle is completed.  I was in need of finding some discipline to achieve some of my goals.  I applied a little, and found some good results, and then I find through the internet that there is proof that adding a little discipline in one area will trickle down to other areas that are important to me.  I reaffirmed my own internal voice.

The answer was in me, all along.  All I had to do was google.

Today, I feel uneasy.  Anxious.  Uncertain of many things.  Debating whether some of the plans and ideas I have are what I want to do.  If they are what any of us want to do.  What if we are just fooling ourselves?

I don’t really have an explanation.  All I know is that I have these conflicting thoughts and feelings inside me, and I want to do them all, but perhaps not to the level I thought?  Perhaps there needs a revisiting of ideals and goals.  Perhaps I’m reacting to silent messages I’m getting - or perhaps I’m overreacting and seeing something that isn’t there, or rather not seeing something that is there?

First, there is this:

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2007/07/last_week_i_spe.php

A little write up about fasting that I thought was kind of cool.  I really thought I’d be the last person to be into fasting, but

Second, there is this:

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/deloitte-generations.pdf

Apparently, Deloitte is in touch with the fact that the generations are different, and how we are different.  And how they will have to change to fit those differences.

Third, 

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2007/07/diy_more_fused.php

and

http://etsylabs.blogspot.com/2007/05/long-overdue-fusing-plastic-bag.html

This just seems pretty darn cool.  Now the problems reside in - I don’t get enough plastic bags anymore to fuse (I don’t shop at stores with plastic bags much anymore!) and I don’t have time!